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Microwave dating is when you show up to a date and have already decided the outcome. You’re pre-cooked. Armed with your checklist of first-date questions, assumptions, and the readiness to bail at the first whiff of a red flag, you’re not actually there to let anything unfold. Microwave daters show up to dates ready to run, not stay. You’re not there to discover anything new, just to confirm what you already think you know. Microwave dating feels safe. It shields you from the terrifying possibility of vulnerability, rejection, or, God forbid, connecting with someone.
The date, not the match or the messaging, is where the magic happens if you desire a genuine relationship. Consider each date to be a blank canvas. Be curious rather than judgmental. Put an end to creating conversational traps and wait for the first incorrect response before leaving. Authentic connection requires spontaneity, not control.
So, how do you stop being a microwave dater? First, ditch the checklist. Stop scanning for superficial red flags and icks. Be present, listen and engage. Allow yourself to be altered by the interaction, to give the other person something and take a new learning away. Next, embrace the unexpected. Not every date will go according to plan, and that’s the point!
You can’t script a connection. The only thing keeping you stuck is your refusal to show up as yourself and give the other person the same chance. Those moments can only happen if you’re willing to ditch the script, let go, and be real.