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When your partner emotionally switches off, it can be hard to know how to play it. Whether its mid-argument or out of the blue, there’s simply no way of getting through to them!
The situation can feel impossible, but this one-sided defense mechanism is so common that it actually has a name.
Stonewalling is when one person is cognitively or emotionally inaccessible to another person.
If someone is afraid of conflict—say, they grew up in a household where conflict meant a lack of safety or sudden instability—they might shut down to maintain a sense of safety.
Some common examples of stonewalling include when your partner goes blank, pulls away, or gives you the silent treatment.
If you or your partner build up a figurative wall every time there’s a disagreement, you aren't practicing healthy communication.
It doesn’t end there. Stonewalling is a matter of respect—or lack thereof. When someone shuts you out, it can feel quite disrespectful, even hurtful.
So, how do you address stonewalling? When you’ve noticed the above signs and want to change your relationship for the better, there are some strategies you can use: You can see a relationship therapist, try approaching your partner with kindness, or lastly, make sure you are clear and concise about your intentions to resolve the problem!